


Love is a painful thing

by Scarletwolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Author hasn't caught up in the series yet, Drabble, Fanart, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarletwolf/pseuds/Scarletwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel's point of view on how he feels years later after Dean and Sam's deaths. basically, it's a short one-shot of Cas reflecting back on his years with the Winchesters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is a painful thing

**Author's Note:**

> ((Excuse the horrible drawing. I'm not quite adept to it))

Being a creature of celestial form, I do not age as humans would. Until I am slain by an Angel sword, I will continue to watch over humans from my place in my own heaven. Years pass by on Earth but I hardly notice. Humans give me little interest anymore.

There was a time when I experienced what the humans call "happiness". It was a short time I spent down on Earth with two unlikely boys. Brothers; those two taught me how to be human. They taught me that nothing is set in stone and it's ok to be selfish sometimes. They taught me anger, joy, confusion, panic, saddness, jealously, and humor. They taught me how to preform basic human skills, such as driving a car or using the internet. They showed me how to laugh and they showed me how to cry.

But most of all, they taught me how to love.

Dean had shown me the kind of love where I constantly felt the desire to do anything for him. It was the kind of love that had us share secret kisses and at night, we would wrap around each other and hold on as if we would lose each other if we let go. It was the kind of love that often had us stripped of our clothing and pressing our sweat soaked bodies together in sin- or at least that is what it's supposed to be. Dean had told me once that that belief was made by humans with sticks up their asses. Despite his poor analogy, I agree with him. Dean Winchester;The man who I had taken as my Charge had taught me how to be in love.

My love for Sam is different than my love for Dean. "You're in love with Dean, while it's just simple love with me." Sam had once said in an attempt to explain the difference to me. He had shrugged awkwardly. "You love me like Dean loves me. Like a brother I guess. I mean, that's how I see you." I agreed. Angels did not really express feeling of love (or anything else) to one another but even I could tell what I felt for Sam and what I felt for Dean was different but similar in many aspects. I had no desire to kiss Sam, but just like with Dean, I am willing to do anything for him. So that was how I viewed Sam Winchester. As a brother, a fellow soldier, and family.

That was years ago. My little family have long since died. I'm not sure where Death had put them. It seems that those two have died and come back enough times that they are neither wanted in Hell nor Heaven. For a long while, I had roamed the Earth in hope that I would find their spirits but it seems they are gone from this world forever. As I am no longer needed in Heaven, I spend my eternal days taking care of the Impala- like Dean would have wanted. I can still hear his voice telling me "Take care of my baby, will you, Cas?"- and sitting in front of the two's gravestones.

As I lean against the sleek body of the Chevy Impala, a foolish part of me thinks if I close my eyes and sit there with what remains of my family long enough, I could lose this damned immortality and join them again. This time, maybe forever.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ((asdfghjkl I made myself sad. ;A; Few notes! ok, so I know that I jump around from past tense to present tense a lot. That's intentional. Cas keeps forgetting that Dean and Sam are dead at times so he keeps switching tenses.   
> My sad headcannon is that when Dean and Sam die for a final time, Death takes them somewhere that is neither Heaven nor Hell. Unfortunately, it's somewhere Castiel can't follow. ))


End file.
